All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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