just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
