it hurts more in the daytime
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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