i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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