dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize