I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
