I must be too annoying 4 u.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
