i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
