so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
