I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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