Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
