Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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