As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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