I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
