peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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