Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
