So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
