...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
