no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I look better un-naked...
Dignity is for republicans.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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