I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
