i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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