I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
