that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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