hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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