people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
