cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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