Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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