This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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