I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will be naked everywhere
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
