We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
