But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
