I didn't shave. On purpose
Swine flu. Run for my life!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
