if i died would you start the facebook group?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My feet surprised me
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