It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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