Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
