i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
