dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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