I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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