hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
