piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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