Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
