I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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