remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize