You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
