You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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