You can't special order awesome
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize