I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you made out with another girl for some wings
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
