the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
