He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
