I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize