Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
