I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
