I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am one with the molecules
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
