I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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