You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
