we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
