...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Everyone says I win the strip club
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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