I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you had me at cake vodka
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
