This girl is more easily done than said...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
