$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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