i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
