There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
