we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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