Who wears a wallet chain?!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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