guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
