i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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