i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
