Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
